You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
