your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
