I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize