My nipple is on Facebook.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
