if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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