Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
