you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize