I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
