Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
