Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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