I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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