Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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