Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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