if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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