Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
