The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
it was like eating out sand paper
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
