I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
