ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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