i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
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The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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