the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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