her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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