just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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