I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
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It would be one hovered percent delicioui
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
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You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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