There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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