he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
