if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
