you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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