Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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