No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
