She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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