Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize