have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
