i think my mom watched the whole time
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
