4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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