is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
