The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
