She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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