i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
