i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
