So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
