I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
