I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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