I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
