How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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