Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
