I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
