You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
