I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
