she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
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