So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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