she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
