Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
