I'm going to jail i love you
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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