omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
If I had your ass I would rule the world
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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