I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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