Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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